A word from the marketing-crimes division

This public service announcement opens on a CSI-like scene. Let’s call it “CSI: Marketing Crimes Division.” The lieutenant asks the lab guy, “What have you got?”

“It’s a tough one,” says the lab guy.

Lying before them under bright lights on a stainless steel examination table is the weapon: an email printed on plain white paper. The lieutenant turns it gently with tongs, then reads it. “‘Brillo-BI is designed for the vast majority of businesspeople who do not have access to big BI solutions.'” A list of features follows in bullet points.

He snorts, “I don’t get it. The product can’t be for everybody. Who’s it really for? What’s it do better?”

“That’s just it,” says the lab guy. “We can’t tell. And the perpetrators left no fingerprints, no blood…”

“How many words?”

“About 150, start to finish.”

“What a waste.”

A junior detective bursts in with news. “The company’s on life support. They put everything into this marketing campaign, and now…”

“Same old story,” the lieutenant growls looking down at the email. “Just once, I’d like to see one of these marketing people indicted.”

A solemn screen finishes the ad. It says in stark white letters on black, “Remember the unique selling proposition. It’s life or death.”

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